There was something in me that wanted to come out. I was just living it. Why was it so strong? With this sentence, Hermann Hesse begins his life-altering book, Demian. Good stories are like beautiful melodies. We are constantly spinning in our brains and we are burning to vocalize them. Each of us is the lead author and the protagonist of our own life story.
These stories we have about who we are are one of the important factors that determine our place in life. The way to get what we want in life is to make these stories strong and valuable.
If your life story became a book, would you enjoy reading it? Or would you get bored and put it aside? Or if it was turned into a movie, would you want to watch that movie? The good thing is that this story of yours is still being written and lived. And how this ends is largely up to you.
In this tutorial, we talk about the unique power of stories, take a small look at our own life stories and discuss what we can do to make them stronger.
“Those who tell stories rule the world.” says the Hopi. Just as the world revolves around itself, it also revolves around stories. Studies show that only two regions of the brain are activated when information is given to us in an ordinary way, but more than seven regions are activated when it is transmitted in the form of a story. A powerful story can easily transcend the boundaries of the mind and heart, leading to change and transformation. Just like a Trojan Horse.
Troy tells how the Trojans, who were not defeated on the battlefield, were defeated by a cleverly constructed story. According to this, the Greek soldiers, who built a huge wooden horse figure after a great defeat, left it in front of the Trojan walls and disappeared. Seeing this situation as a gift to the gods, the Trojan king orders them to take this horse inside. However, the best soldiers of the enemy are hidden inside the horse. The city of Troy, which was occupied for a short time, will suffer great destruction. This historical event is a good example of the immense power of stories.
“There is nothing in the world stronger than a good story. Nothing can stop him. No enemy can defeat him.” Game of Thrones
Stories are like windows to reality and are often shaped by how we view reality. While every point of view has its grain of truth, whether our story is empowering or debilitating is more important than anything else. The stories we tell about ourselves are useless if they weaken, weaken, or demoralize us. These need to be replaced and transformed as soon as possible.
Debilitating stories have some common features. Often in them, defeats, misfortunes, and injustices are mentioned a lot. When we believe these stories, we feel trapped inside that story. It is not possible to build a new and powerful life on such fiction. The hardest things to change anyway are the stories we have in the identity dimension.
These stories about who we are are a reflection of the thoughts and beliefs we have internalized. Most of the time, we get them from our family from childhood and continue to use them for life. Empowering stories often contain positive propositions about how valuable, strong, and hardworking we are. If we have these, we are very lucky. But if we’re not, we may have to settle for less than we deserve for a lifetime.
An effective life consists of “empowering” and “inspiring” stories. Of course, there will be sorrows and problems in them. But the whole story is how we overcame them. You will hardly find excuses and excuses in them.
“Life is a story. And to love a person is to love their story.” This quote by Martin Heidegger allows us to see people like stories. So, this phrase can also mean: If we don’t love someone, maybe it’s because we don’t like their story. In the deepest sense, isn’t it that they have somewhat similar stories that bring people closer together?
“We tell ourselves stories to live,” says Joan Didion. Ken Kesey, the author of The Cuckoo, said, “Fuck the truth! We need stories.” He emphasizes the importance of stories. Because dealing with facts is a bit boring. And what we’re looking for most of the time is interesting stories about facts.
1- NAME YOUR STORY
For the fundamental transformation we seek in our lives, we must begin by reviewing the stories we constantly tell ourselves. For example, if the title of your story is I am too old, uneducated, inadequate for this, you can guess that this story will not progress very pleasantly. Think about all the stories you’ve told yourself about not deserving something. Didn’t they do you the most harm? Didn’t it stop you from taking action?
The first and most essential step in creating a strong story begins with naming your story. You can think of it as the title of a movie or book. Harness the power of words. When deciding on this, do not neglect to consider the factors we have just mentioned. The name of your story should also motivate you and give you strength. Maybe your story has a predetermined name. If not, now might be the time.
2-SET A NEW OBJECTIVE
If you think your life story needs to change, the best way to start a real transformation is to focus on the future. By taking a sponge from the past, try to divert all your energies in the direction we want to be in the future. As you set a new and powerful purpose in your life, a new story will inevitably emerge. Just as the Japanese stated; When the music changes, the dance changes too. What kind of person do you need to be to achieve this goal? What beliefs and habits should you have? Once you have a strong enough purpose, you will inevitably become the person who fits your story. Your time, money, and all other resources will make sense again in this new story.
3- ADD EMOTION TO YOUR STORY
What will you talk about in your life story? For example, a fight for freedom, facing your personal fears, or all the things you do to make the world a better place can be the subject of your new story. Whatever you do, make sure your story stirs up emotions. Because human is a set of emotions and stories get their power from emotions.
An interesting anecdote is told about Ernest Hemingway. While having lunch with a group of writer friends, Hemingway makes a claim to his friends that even a very short story can make people sad. Of course, other authors do not believe it. Hemingway then tells each of them to put $10 in the middle of the table. He states that if he is wrong, he will pay the same amount himself. But if he’s right, he’ll get all the money. Quickly typing six words on a handkerchief, Hemingway hands it to his friends. His friends give him this money without saying a word.
Of course, if you are not a professional writer, having a story that makes people sad will not gain you much. What makes your story powerful is that it evokes positive emotions. Your story should inspire hope, instill courage, and add joy. It should be blended with the mind and the power of struggle and take a place in the hearts and minds of people.
4- AROUSE CURIOSITY
All good stories are intriguing. You eagerly await the end. The power of your personal story will also come from the fact that it arouses curiosity. Your criterion should be: A person listening, reading, or watching this should be curious about the end of this story, and find something in it that appeals to them. Experience great things, enrich your interior, and make it valuable. Do your best to make her beautiful. You can also see it as a life technique: How? For example, take a day. What can you do to make today worth telling a story? Try to make it memorable. Make mistakes. And then talk about the great lessons you learned from them. Tell us how you look at life differently after an interesting event that happened to you. This transformation you are going through will arouse fundamental curiosity.
Osho, who is a great storyteller himself, used to decorate his speeches with stories: An anecdote he told from Nasreddin Hodja is quite meaningful. Nasreddin Hodja put a fishing rod in a bucket full of water and started fishing. Someone passing by: “How many did you catch, Hodja?” When asked, he replied, “You are the ninth”.
“What are you laughing?! It’s your story I’m telling!” Horatius
In a book by Nüvit Osmay, the following story is mentioned: One of the ancient Indian rulers ordered a well-known scholar of his time to write a work called “History of Humanity”. After ten years of work, Bilgin loaded his writings on camels and brought them to the palace. The ruler was surprised to see this enormous burden and asked the scholar to summarize them and produce a smaller work. After a year of study, the scholar in two volumes appeared before the ruler. But again, saying that he did not have time, the ruler asked him to summarize his work more. The next day, on the paper, presented the information, there were these four words: “They were born, they lived and they died”
Fortunately, the era of rulers who thought that history consisted of itself is now far behind. We now live in the era of extraordinary people who changed history. Why do not you be one of them!
Let me tell you an interesting secret about the power of stories. A good story can completely change your future. But what’s more interesting is that stories can also change your past, if you let them. For this, you just need to create a new and better story. Whichever of your stories is stronger will replace the other.
5- INSPIRE
Powerful stories give us the courage and make us believe we can succeed. There is no room for fear in them. There is overcoming of fear. Nothing in life is as inspiring as the story of a brave person. We need other people’s strong stories to strengthen our own stories. And of course other people’s stories as well.
“If you don’t like someone else’s story, write your own!” Chinua Achebe
Sacrifice stories come first among the interesting stories in our country. Check out TV shows and news. Tragic stories of people who are victims of constant circumstances, injustice, or people are told. In fact, when you listen to these stories, you may realize that they add nothing to you and even take away a lot from you. These stories that instill a sense of helplessness in you may be telling the truth, but they don’t have to be your truth. Your story should be about remedies, not despair, about courage, not fears. And it should tell you how you overcame the problems. That’s when you can see something emerge worth living and sharing.
6- SOLVE PROBLEMS
Stories are a unique tool in the process of giving meaning to events. Oftentimes, it is none other than the story itself that is causing the problem. Because we often use stories to make excuses, not solutions to our problems. After a while, we even begin to believe them ourselves. And Faith alone has the power to make something true. If your story doesn’t produce permanent solutions to the problem, it still serves that problem. Therefore, it is very important to develop an awareness of looking at yourself and your story from the outside.
Joyce Chapman suggests writing about a problem as if it were someone else’s story. Thus, we can look at the problem we are experiencing from the outside and produce better solutions. Consider a problem you’re having these days. This could be related to your life, job, or a relationship that is not going well. And try narrating it as if it were a friend’s problem. Do not forget to write down the solutions you produced from this point of view.
7- BE CREATIVE
Another factor that makes your story powerful is the way you tell it. How you tell a story is as important as the story itself. The atmosphere you create will be as decisive as the tools you use in this. Contrary to popular belief, there are many ways to tell your story. While telling my writing is the simplest method, you can also create your story by shooting video, photographing, writing poetry, or painting. Try to use your creativity. When you use surprising elements to tell your story, you multiply your impact.
8- BE SINCERE
The strength of your story comes from being believable and sincere. Tell it as sincerely as possible. When I first became acquainted with the books of self-help writer Steve Chandler, I was frankly shocked when he talked about his alcohol-related problems. But then I remember finding his story sincere and heartfelt when I learned how he overcame his problems despite being alone with his three children. The interesting thing is that we don’t take much pleasure in sharing stories about our own weaknesses. Even with ourselves! But no matter what we do, building trust with others may start right here: Being sincere.
Stories like these can easily be turned into heroic tales. There’s nothing particularly inspiring about being a super person anyway. Remember, you are the first and perhaps the only witness to your story. At least for now. Include your own weaknesses in your story, and describe how you coped with them. Reveal the fragility of being human and being able to make mistakes. Then, turn it into a compelling story about how you dealt with them.
9- LIVE AND LIVE YOUR STORY
Just as we live in a great story, stories live within us. The only way to make your story really is to keep living it and keeping it alive every day. You must forge strong bonds with your story and find a way to remind yourself every day that you are in it. As unusual as it may seem to some, you can go get a tattoo, shave your hair and change your image. Whatever you do, as long as you wake up each new day, it reminds you that you are starting another story.
Remember, if you don’t write your own story, someone else will be happy to write it for you. However, you may not like this story. In my opinion, it’s always better to live as the protagonist of a bad story you wrote, than to be an extra in someone else’s great story. As Harley Davidson said: “When you write the story of your life, don’t let anyone else hold the pen.”
Tayfun Topaloglu
References:
Hermann Hesse (2004) Demian, (Trans. Kamuran Şipal), 2nd Edition, Can Publications, Istanbul
Nüvit Osmay (1994) Atlas of Thought, Extended 2nd Edition, Çark Publishing House, Ankara
